🎙️ The Legend of the Fat Merman
(Tides of Nonsense and Glory)
They say the sea once laughed out loud,
When lightning kissed the stormy cloud.
And from that foam with sass to burn,
The Fat Merman made his grand return.
His beard was bold, his belly round,
His laughter shook the ocean’s sound.
He vowed to turn the tides of gray,
And splash the world in bold display.
“By salt and scale, by beard divine,
By sunken ship and coral wine,
I’ll guard the sea and shirt alike—
And mock the dull with every strike!”
His words still hum through ocean deep,
Where starfish dance and secrets sleep:
“To honor the tide, to set souls free,
And never wear a white tee,” swore he.
He built an order, wild and grand,
A crew of rebels, sea and sand.
They named themselves—oh what a clan—
The Order of the Fat Merman.
They surfed the waves of chaos wide,
With color blazing, hearts as tide.
Their mission clear, their laughter planned:
Bring joy ashore, command the brand.
But from the deep a Kraken stirred,
All tentacles and bad intent slurred.
He stole their shirts, their sacred art,
And threatened fashion’s beating heart.
“Return those threads, you soggy beast!
Your drip is foul, your taste deceased!”
The Merman’s roar split sea and sand—
Even dolphins stopped mid-band.
The fight raged fierce, the waves grew wild,
Till silence fell—the Kraken smiled.
“For style,” he said, “is meant to share,”
And joined the cause with perfect flair.
But trouble rose above the reef,
The Landwalkers of Bland Belief.
They drained the sea, they banned the jest,
They dressed the world in corporate vests.
The Merman rose, his trident high,
And thunder cracked across the sky.
“Let color reign, let laughter stand!
No beige shall rule upon this land!”
Now legends hum where sea foam flies,
Of wit and waves that never dies.
So lift your glass, ye stylish band—
The Fat Merman still guards the brand.